Aiiaaa

Frick! There's so much I want to blog about, but can't (cause of time).
I leave in 12 days. I promise I will blog about Europe, or at least when I get back, I'll type up the things I've written. [I'm probably going to use a different blog to do that though since a lot more people wanted to have access to it].

In the meantime, I'll just stop for a moment. To collect my excited thoughts from small group tonight at church. It was so refreshing. So we just ended Acts, and we're now going through Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" - the very book I blogged about months ago, and the same book that I'm going to be leading a youth/female small group with in the Fall. :D Oh, Francis Chan. God speaks through him so well.

I'm just going to highlight one thing. (and by the way, there are supplementary videos) In the first or second video of "Crazy Love," Chan mentions how he speaks at this one Christian college every year. And every year, the same girl (who's a part of the worship team) seems to always have such a passionate, intimate time worshiping God. So one year, he finally asks her, "how do you do that? How do manage to have such a powerful moment with God every time?" (or something roughly along those lines). And she basically said, God is the Creator, and I pray every time before worshiping Him that he creates a new/different experience for me.

Ok, so I kind of butchered that conversation part of the video. But the point is this - we cannot afford to slip into routines. When we pray, we shouldn't rush into a prayer that becomes a meaningless habit. Chan challenges us to really think about God before we rush into prayer.

"What if I said, 'Stop praying'? What if I told you to stop talking at God for awhile, but instead to take a long, hard look at Him before you speak another word? Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words. That's what fools do. And often, that's what we do.

We are a culture that relies on technology over community, a society in which spoken and written words are cheap, easy to come by, and excessive. Our culture says anything goes; fear of God is almost unheard of. We are slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry.

The wise man comes to God without saying a word and stands in awe of Him..."

-pg. 25 of "Crazy Love" - actually, that's the first three paragraphs of chapter 1 in the book.

(I honestly could go on typing up this whole chapter - but I won't.)

This is a such a good concept for me (and others) to think about: How we pray. My goal is to first ask God to speak to me differently, and for Him to create a new, intimate experience with Him in that particular moment. Then, I want to imagine the majesty of God - how he created things in such detail (like our circulatory system, trees, caterpillars), with such diversity (hundreds of different kinds of bananas, different kinds of laughter, etc.) and yet also created the galaxies.
By recognizing these things, I'm magnifying Him and humbling myself. Hopefully, it won't become a routine or normal, but new, fresh, creative, different each time. God is the ultimate Creator - we can't limit Him. We can't even fathom Him in all his glory. He's beyond our understanding.
Chan brought up a good point/analogy:

"Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant god that would be! If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can."
-pg. 32

What I want to do, more than anything else, is to get right with God.

In high school, spiritually, I was climbing steadily up towards Him. In 9th grade, I really got to know God and what it means to serve Him; in 10th and during the mission trip, that was such a high - especially being surrounded by so many close, consistent friends reaching towards a common goal. 11th I was still up there, but maybe not as high as when I was on the trip (and cause church service kept changing). 12th - I was...figuring things out. Still a Christian, but because of AP US History, got a lot more liberal. Which is not a bad thing - it opened my mind, but I believe I purposely distanced myself from God that year without really realizing it. After reading "The Purpose Driven Life" at the beginning of Fall 08, I felt like I was on the way up again towards God. Hmmm...I'm not sure what happened after that. Maybe I got too emotionally involved with Mike, and gave leftovers to God. Yeah, that's probably the truth that I don't like to face. I hate to admit that my boyfriend became more important than God, but I guess in life that happens sometimes. Spring 09, I had absolutely no time to stop and breathe. I was working two jobs and taking 15 credits in order to pay for my tuition. (Thank God for financial aid for this school year, and prayerfully, for the rest of my educational career.) If anything, I was jaded that semester and overworked. When Summer came, I quit retail, and tried to relax and still work at Sinclair. Somehow, summer was overwhelming because I actually hung out with people (other than my boyfriend) and unfortunately, my social life died after spring 09 (sorta) so I wasn't used to being busy with friends.
How was fall? I like to think that I attempted to be more right with God, and I had my moments with Him for sure, but I don't consider that time to have been where it should have been.
Spring - I've been more aware of Him, and still trying to improve my relationship with Him. I declare this point to be a moment of steady rise again.

My goal with my Europe trip, really, is to be supertight with God. Other than a few small travel books, I'm bringing my Bible, "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis, and of course a journal. I'm going to have to fully rely on Him throughout this trip, and it will be scary at times, I'm sure, but I've also been aware of Him taking care of me, as He always has been doing. So anway, I hope and pray that I can make this trip about Him and my relationship with Him, spiritual growth, yes. All that good stuff.

ok, it's like 1am now, and ... I have work at 730am...ooh. not so good. I was going to wake up at 6 to see the sunrise and sing a song to Him. maybe 620.

(on another, more superficial, note, I'm getting my hair cut again tomorrow. :) :) It's not so exciting the third time around though for other people.)